Thursday, 22 January 2009

Engaging & Disengaging

Everyone has experienced that moment when you are walking along, happily minding your own business, then you notice some fucker coming towards you who is in your flight path!


Is he gonna move?

Do you move?

How long should you wait til you move?

You edge one foot ever so slightly in a different direction, causing your body to shift and start upon a new trajectory.

Oh shit.

He's done the same. How awkward.

What the fuck do you do now?

Ding ding ding ding. I have the answer: You no longer need to suffer this humiliating scenario, you quite simply disengage.

The trick is to not get caught in the other walker's eyeline. I know you want to, but do not make eye contact. Never look at their feet. Just look away. Disengage. Only for a few seconds. By the time you return your head to normal position, the other walker will have removed themselves from your trajectory.

And if you want their attention, you do the opposite.

Monday, 19 January 2009


(click to biggerize)

A lovely postery type thing I found on , makes a good point about the age-old argument of originality.

Reminds me of that quote from that person I can't remember: All art is imitation.

Although I'm not exactly in agreement with the steal from anywhere sentiment. Borrow perhaps.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Durex Ad

Fun. And a line so obvious and simple that you make the 'duurr' noise to yourself whilst belming and wishing you'd put it to this product. Gotta like this.

The Greatest Spam Subject Lines I've Never Deleted - Part 2

Yes some of them are just weird fucked up shit, a string of keywords designed to get a hit. But that's the beauty of them really.

I like to think there's some crazed little spam monkey sat endlessly at his computer trying to fuse words together. And basically, that's what a good copywriter should do.

Barely a wasted word in these headlines.

Mysterious Assailant Stabs Luke Perry

A Small Penis Is Not Normal

Hit A Home Run In Her Mouth

Old Cock or New One?

Pills For Boys To Make Girls Happy

Nice Girl? Hard Boner

Be The Man With The Bang

The Breasts Of Lindsay Lohan

Killer Dogs Tear Intruder Apart

Britneys Vagina To Attend AA On Its Own

Godzilla Will Be Jealous

Bearded Ladyboarding Oregon Scientific Viral

Make Your Pants Dragon Huge And Rock Hard

This Will Be Your Song After S.E.X: We Are The Champions My Friend

Girls With Big Tits Like Big Peckers

And how true some of them are.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

The Greatest Spam Subject Lines I've Never Deleted - Part 1

Some months ago I began saving my spam.

Not because I actually wanted a dinosaur sized penis that could pleasure a woman until her eyes popped out, all from the power of a $1 wonderpill. No. Because some of them are obviously perpetrated by brilliant copywriters, that's why.

So, sit back and take lesson in copywriting from the greatest spam subject lines you've never deleted. All genuine spam.

The Loin King

Stop Being A Fucking Loser

John McCain: “I Promise To Invade Your Vagina”

Brave Suicide Bomber Survives Blast

Upgrade Your Man Dignity

I Hope To Meet A Man Who Is As Lonely As Me To Create A Family With Him

Strong Private Parts To Bang Women

Lohan Sentenced To Swabbing Morgue Corpses

Boobs As Big As Balloons

Paris Hilton Ripe For Scientology Detox

Upsize Your Jackhammer

Ginger Lynn Is Torn

You Are In Mafia Blacklist

Britney Spears Pregnant With Antichrist

Dog Makes Love To Cat

Get Proud Being Humongous Ok

Another load of beauties coming your way tomorrow.

Monday, 12 January 2009

The Best Job In The World

(real life place not made up)

No not you, you dirty little ad wretch.

Apparently the best job in the world is open for applications, as reported in the Daily Mail. I don't frequent the Daily Mail online, by the way, it just caught my eye when my female was reading it, honest.

What could possibly be better than having my ideas inhaled by a finger-pointing, scrotum-shaving, boss-bumming bastard of an accounts man, who will promptly shit them all back out, I hear you scream?

How about being the caretaker of Hamilton Island off the Queensland Coast?

The salary equates to almost a grand an hour and your main responsibilties will include feeding turtles and counting how many farts you can perpetrate on any given day.

Yep, don't worry about the request for voluntary redundancy going round the office or the latest kick in the balls news story of a client going down the pan; there's still some fucking great jobs out there*.

In all seriousness, I bet my left nipple that some Big Brother winner's little sister who knows someone on X-factor wannabe celebrity ends up with the job - aka, a good looking bastard with shite for brains.

*This is the only one, you're doomed.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

I'm Not French

I live and work somewhere in the UK.

I wasted far too much time trying to think of a name for a blog, so instead just plonked this phrase in, as it was stuck in my mind from a book I've just read called Little Brother by Cory Doctrow.

This is my new, fairly anonymous blog. The other was closed down by the Feds*.

I write about advertising.

I write about writing.

I write about random shit.

And I'll probably moan a bit, as everyone needs an outlet.

So, when something gets my goat, the first proper post will be coming soon.

*could have been HR